tragic condition (what_you_own) wrote in deppenport,
tragic condition

Popping The Community's Cherry!

Title: Sunshine, Lollipops, Rainbows and Rum
Author: Ghene ( what_you_own )
Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean
Pairing: Jack/Norrington
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Bitter!ex-commodore and a pirate captain with no morals
Summary: James contemplates Elizabeth and gets quite attached to his rum.

Elizabeth Swann.

Elizabeth Swann.

Former Commodore James Norrington took a large swig from his bottle of rum as he leaned dangerously over the side of the Black Pearl. The night left the ocean black as the sails of the ship, holding none of the answers he sought in his liquor.

Elizabeth Bloody Swann.

Really, she was the one who was the real cause for all of his troubles. If he hadn’t fallen so madly in love with such a calculating little wench, then he would never have let Sparrow and Turner go free after Sparrow’s near hanging. And if she hadn’t been captured by Barbossa in the first place, then Turner would never have needed to free Sparrow to save her -- the catalyst event that had started this all.

James choked back another mouthful of alcohol, relishing the burning sensation it gave him.

“Miss Swann” had spent all day oogling Sparrow like some rare piece of meat, and James, who was nauseated by the sight, had only reminded her of her fiancé out of pity for the poor boy. Turner had obviously sacrificed so much to keep her safe and was probably in mortal danger, yet she was busy playing footsie with the man who had presumably sold Turner out.

Another chug and James nearly lost his balance as he let go of the ship’s railing.

Well, it didn’t bloody well matter. Not anymore. Elizabeth could do whatever the hell her conniving little heart desired. He would not submit to her womanly charms this time. No, he was smarter now. Wiser.

This time James did lose his balance.


It was strange, really. He had never been totally smashed until his first night of resignation from the navy.

And bloody hell if it wasn’t the best feeling in the world!

In fact, it made all of his problems seem so much smaller. So much less earth shattering.

Something sounding strangely akin to a giggle escaped his throat as a shadow passed over him.

Apparently, it also made pirate captains seem so much sexier.

Letting out another weak chuckle at his last thought, James gazed serenely at Sparrow, who seemed to be looking down at him with a confused expression.

“Ye’all right, mate?”

James laughed again.

“Am I all right? Really, Sparrow! Can’t you see? I’m simply marvelous!”

Cocking his head to the side, Sparrow frowned and stood straight, briefly glancing around the deck. For what, James wasn’t sure, but he found the puzzled expression on the Captain inexplicably adorable.

“You know, with some personal hygiene, Sparrow, you’d be quite a fine catch.”

James had apparently recaptured Sparrow’s interest, for the pirate was staring at him again.


“Yes, most definitely.”

A strange look passed through Sparrow’s eyes, before he was suddenly hefting James upon his shoulders and carrying the drunken man to the captain’s quarters. James, for his part, was torn between admiring Sparrow’s hidden strength and attempting to stop the bile from surging up his throat. He decided to focus completely on preventing himself from vomiting, as he was resolutely certain that vomit was not sexy.

When he landed roughly on a stony bed, he thought he should complain; however, he was much too preoccupied with the rum that was being forcefully tugged from his grasp.

“Mine,” he hissed dangerously, hugging the bottle to his chest.

“Commodore,” Sparrow sighed, attempting once again to pry the liquor from James, “Look what’s become of ya. Coddling a nearly empty bottle o’ rum in the bedroom o’ a pirate.”

“Shut up.” The tone was irritated more than anything, and James raised the bottle to his lips for a final drink, crying out pitifully when the rum was suddenly snatched from his hands. “I demand you to return that!”

Sparrow merely shrugged and poured the remaining drops into his own mouth, causing James to make strange noises of despair.

“Fiend! Return it at once!” James shrieked, not at all caring that the alcohol was already in Sparrow’s mouth. Sparrow would just have to spit it back out.

It took almost a full minute before James registered the fact that he was very suddenly getting his rum back.

And he had to admit, Sparrow’s lips worked just as nicely as a bottle.

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